Showing up Imperfectly
There have been large parts of my life where being in my body was not safe. Not safe emotionally. Not safe physically. So I left. I vacated my body. I vacated my mind. When I returned, it was usually only to my mind.
I believed my value and worth were based on my mind's capabilities. I leaned heavily into logic. If there was an acknowledgement of my body, it usually took the form of denigration. I believed that being “good” equated to lovability. I tried hard to be a “good girl” – to live only in my brain. But my body always called me back. Over and over. Getting me in trouble.
If we are only taught to show up “knowing the answer,”
then what are we left with when we don’t?
When I started the “Cultivating a Calm Nervous System” newsletter, I thought I would use it to share discoveries I have made about being present in my body in our tumultuous world. I thought I had wisdom to impart. And immediately, I ran into my perfectionist part that would not allow me to share a recording of the ground & fill exploration with you. Each time I tried to make the recording, my younger self, fearful of any critique, would show up and fumble my words, wipe my mind blank, and quiet my voice so much that I was barely audible on the recording. I know that I am not the only one who can become sabotaged by shame and perfectionism.
I do not have all the answers. What I do have is a “practice” of stepping out of all the “to-dos” and “shoulds” to tend to my body through sensation. To listen to the inner wisdom that arises when I slow down and get quiet. To simply trust the process of showing up when the slowing and quieting seem to allude me. And to do this in community rather than in isolation. This is not a quick fix to feeling more relaxed. It is a practice of showing up exactly as I am in the moment and learning that is good enough.
My gift to you today is to show up in all my messy realness. Accepting that I don't have all the answers. I am showing up today with questions, with curiosity, with not knowing. I am showing up today because I am learning to believe “perfect” does not mean “right.”
Perhaps it is in this messiness that you can join me to be curious and to discover ways of buoying ourselves in this outrageously overwhelming time. Take fifteen minutes out of your day to slow down and turn toward your body. Make it a practice. Trust the process. And remember, how you show up each day to your practice is exactly how you need to show up in that moment. The practice meets you where you are in that moment.
Love to you all! — Chris
Special note–this post has not been created with the assistance of AI, and no money has been spent to correct the grammar.
